The featured blog of the day is Coastal Chick:
My brother arrived in New England today and I am driving to my parents tomorrow for the annual “Golden Child Extravaganza”. Just the kids and me, my husband The General is staying home to hold down the fort and pamper the poochie.
So here is the family pecking order: Golden Child (Oldest – brother), Favorite Child (Middle – my older sister), Me (Baby, so please feel free to tell me what to do even though I am a 41 year old woman). So the Golden Child arrives for his annual pilgrimage, which means I am packing up all my children and goodies and moving into a hotel near my parents for the next few days. No, I am not upset I am staying in a hotel. This will be my sanity. There will be a mini-fridge with mini-bottles of liquor and a TV I can watch to decompress.
You need to know, I love my brother in all his perfection. He really is a terrific guy it’s just…my parents turn into groupies they are so excited to see him. It’s like they are huge Golden Child super-fans. If you are reading this Mom and Dad it’s nothing you haven’t heard before so simmer down. Honestly, I think this part of my family is normal. Maybe not your normal, but to my family on a scale of 0-10 (10 being June Cleaver) my family is hovering around a 5. If you knew the family tree you would realize a 5 is like hitting the jackpot.
So why is my family strange? Well, here is the phone call today with my parents.
My Dad, Big D: “oh, hey be careful on your drive up from CT. I mean don’t drive like you usually do”.
Me: “Dad, I am excellent driver and besides, the kids will be in the car and I am always careful”.
Mom, OSHA (honestly one day I will tell you why we call her this): “D oh, dear you need …I mean…well Kathryn, your father had a dream…”, said in a hushed CIA might be listening level voice.
Big D: “It wasn’t a dream, it was a nightmare, it woke me up!”
Me: “Dad, spill what was the dream, I have a feeling this is going to be awesome”.
Big D: “I had a dream you didn’t make it”.
Me: “Didn’t make what? The trip up to see you? Dad, I told you the kids are all healthy you can’t catch anything from them, we are making the trip”.
Big D: “Noooo, I dreamt we were expecting you and you didn’t show and something was wrong, like you didn’t make it, didn’t make it”.
Me: “Jesus Christ, why would you tell me something like that?”
Big D: “Well, what if something happened and I hadn’t said anything and then I would have had that on my conscience, but now I feel better”.
Me: “Well I don’t feel better, now I have this creepy feeling I have a giant X on my back now. You know GrandMa B had a touch of the psychic, this is freaking me out!”
Big D: “That is exactly why I am telling you. Ok, I need to go to the dump. See you tomorrow”
Me: “Or not because I won’t MAKE IT!”
My father hangs up and leaves me on the phone with OSHA. OSHA does not swear or raise her voice, she literally talks, well the only way to describe it would be like sweet syrup. I know, it doesn’t even do her justice. So please imagine the rest of this conversation with me, panic in my voice, and OSHA talking like Mary Poppins.
Me: “Mom, why the HELL would he tell me that? I have enough crap I am trying to get done so I can drive three hours to see all of you!”
O: “Just ignore him and don’t worry about it. Don’t you remember the story from Freshman English class at UNH?”
Me: “Mom, I went to UNH 25 years after you. They had new professors when I got there”.
O: “Oh, you know the story. Josiah (I am making this up because I can’t remember the guys name or the cities, so I am winging it people) travels to Damaskus (again, misspelled and wrong place) and sees Death. He is so afraid he runs as fast as he can from Death and arrives in a Cairo. Of course Death is there and he says to Josiah, ‘I was so surprised to see you in Damaskus when I knew we had a meeting in Cairo!’ My mother then ..starts..to..laugh.
Me: “Wait, so you are telling me basically it doesn’t matter what Dad’s dream was, or the fact that he warned me to be careful, Death is coming for me no matter what? WHY would you tell me this story Mom?”
O: “Oh, Kathryn, relax. The point of the story..um…ok, I need to go get ready for your brother. See you tomorrow!”
(Faces have been hidden to protect the innocent, and by the innocent I mean me)
So basically, my father is a terrible, or at best, vague psychic and my mother is the right hand of Death. It’s going to be an awesome few days. Please send liquor.
Update: The story my Mother told me is called “An appointment in Samarra”, which I butchered here beyond recognition. Also, I made it to Massachusetts alive. My father’s response? “You still have to make the return trip”. AWESOME.
Coastal Chick is a lifestyle blogger: Because the chick who said, "life's a beach" never walked in my flip flops.
EndlessBeauty.com knows that family can bring added stress to your life. Just make sure you know what signs to check for to keep a balanced, healthy lifestyle.
But like Coastal Chick reminds us, family can definitely bring humor into your life!
