You might have noticed that I go by three names: my articles are bylined Lyssa Myska Allen, my bio says Lyssa Myska Allen, I sign Lyssa Myska Allen on my credit card receipts. Why? Because Myska is my mother’s maiden—and last—name. My grandpa Myska had three daughters, so when they die, the Myska name dies with them.

But why should it? Yet how couldn’t it? Even though my mom chose to keep her last name when she got married thirty years ago, it seems implausible that I will be ableto keep her last name if I have my own children. In naming tradition, my last name of Allen would be my children’s middle name, and they would have my future husband’s last name. To keep my mother's name alive, my only choice would be to give them the Myska middle name and forgo my father’s side of the family, which isn’t fair either.

While the overwhelming majority of women change their last name to their husband’s when they get married—2009 statistics generally put the percentage around 90-95%—I’m not the only one who struggles with this naming convention. Ashley Cooper, MA, LPC, struggled with this decision when she got married five years ago. In an article published in The Feminist Psychologist, Summer 2009, the psychotherapist writes, “I was not satisfied with any of my naming options.”

Options like hyphenating just create trouble for future generations (what happens if two kids with hyphenated names get married?). In college, I decided with the naivete of 21 years that when I got married we’d just combine our last names: Allen + Hall = Hallen was an easy one, Allen + Szjada not so much ... Al-Szjada?

So what’s the solution? Cooper agrees that there isn’t a good one. She tells EndlessBeauty.com, “I don't think there is an "ideal" solution for all women. I wish there was. That is one aspect of this issue that makes it so complicated. True to our modern times, women have many choices when it comes to their last name.”

Cooper, for one, felt like she lost her identity when she changed her name—so she changed it back. She wrote, “I struggled because I did not know who ‘Ashley Hood’ was, but had spent 23 years learning and opening up to who ‘Ashley Cooper’ was.”

She tells us, “I've been very happy with my choice and am grateful I followed my heart and had it changed back. It has meant a lot to me to have the name I was born with and the name that I created my identity around for so many years. It makes me feel like I am my own person with my own identity and my own destiny, a destiny that is definitely intertwined with my husband's, but nonetheless my own. I celebrate and appreciate that I live in a society where I have the freedom and the right to make that type of choice.”

While women do have a choice, a 2009 national survey conducted by the University of Utah and Indiana University found that 71 percent of respondents “agreed it is better for women to change their name upon marriage.” About half of the respondents supported government regulation to make sure wives changed their names. So while a woman can certainly choose, she potentially faces social consequences.

Cooper says, “Whenever I bring up this topic, it seems like women have so much to say and have their own experiences about marital naming that they want to share. I think the more we talk about any issue, the more visible it becomes and the more we, collectively, are able to understand it. This topic is complex and individual, so it can be helpful to tease apart one's personal preferences and explore one's feelings about it.”

There are surprisingly few resources for women struggling with a name change decision before marriage. Cooper reports that the topic started being discussed in the professional literature in the late ‘60s but very little research has been published since.

We want to hear from you—did you change your name? How do you feel about your options?

For a step-by-step guide to changing your name, click here.

Lyssa Myska Allen is editorial director at EndlessBeauty.com